On Thursday a Disney Princess

I should say that Chris would have been happy with all of the people that came to see the room, he’s very accepting. So it is a good thing that I’m here.


On Wednesday afternoon Mel messaged me that Ariel, an accountant who works in Bendigo wanted to see the room. Ariel is the name of my favourite Disney princess. I should not have told Chris this.

On Thursday at 4pm Chris said that he had to make cookies. The dough was a delicious looking mess that extended from the bowl to the table, the microwave, the sink, the drying up towels and the floor. The baked version was flat as a pancake and impossible to remove wholly from the tray. Then at 4:45pm he hurried out the door saying that he had to get to the post office before it closed, leaving the kitchen a disaster for when Ariel arrived after work at 5:15pm.
Ariel appeared shy and awkward and his hand was limp when I shook it hello. This happens a lot, which is surprising as everybody knows that a firm handshake is supposed to say good things about your character. I wonder if my handshake is a result of that connotation, or my character, and if character, what does that imply?
He came in and I showed him the room and then the rest of the house. He said very little during the whole process and I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable so I asked him if he’d like a cup of tea and he said he would. His hair kind of looked like mine, but much neater. He wore a smart grey jacket over a woollen jumper, suit pants and black shiny shoes. I wore hiking boots, op-shop jeans and a synthetic fill not-so-waterproof because of Angie-the-cat’s-claws jacket. Chris came home and seemed very flustered.
“Did you tell him about me?” he asked me.
“I said you were 22 and that you were making cookies” I replied.
Chris told Ariel a bit about himself in his hyperactive way of speaking and then told him “I like your jacket. I have one kind of like it, but not really, but it’s grey like that”.
I laughed at Chris because he’s hilarious, but also to show Ariel that I think Chris is weird, meaning that I’m not weird because by laughing I obviously can identify weird and not be weird myself- I have issues.
Chris said “do you know that you…” and he put his hand over his face like he was trying to think of the words to finish that sentence.
“…have the name of a prince? Jaci knows, you say it” he told me.
In my head; “oh god.”
Out loud; “Not a prince, Ariel is from ‘The Little Mermaid’”.
“Oh, then who is Ariel?”
“The mermaid.”
“Have you heard of kimchi?” Chris changed tactics.
Ariel had not, so Chris offered him some. I warned him that it was pickled cabbage and he declined for the time being.
“Do you work?” Ariel told him that he’s an accountant.
“Do you do any group activities?” Ariel said no. Chris told him about how he does swordcraft, which of course Ariel had never heard of, and when Chris asked him if he’d tried role playing games this confused him even more, as it did with Mel and myself when we first met Chris.
“Do you do any activities by yourself”. He said he played guitar.
“No way! I didn’t picture you playing guitar, and I’m usually really good at this. Like Josh” he indicated to me because Josh is my friend, “I could tell that Josh played the guitar for sure. Feel free to have some grapes” he offered from a bag.
The tea was ready, thank god, and I passed them each a mug and we went to sit at the dining table. Chris popped a container of pickled eggplant in front of us and told us that we should eat it because it was going to go off today. Then he poured milk from one of those plastic containers that come with sliced peaches in them into his tea cup. Ariel and I watched curiously as some milk made it into his tea cup, but more made it onto the table. I was glad that Ariel had declined milk in his tea. Then Chris continued to interview Ariel.
“So tell me about accounting.”
“There’s not really much to tell.”
“Just tell me something, anything. What do you do?”
“I work for a firm and give advice for investments for our clients who have self-managed super funds.”
“What’s a super fund?”
For the next 10 minutes we explained to Chris what a super fund is.
After some more unpredictable questioning Chris offered him another cup of tea. He’d already been here a very long time, and I was ready for him to leave, but he accepted. We all went back into the kitchen and while we waited for the water to boil Chris put more cookie dough onto the baking trays. He offered Ariel some raw cookie dough.
“Is it good?” he asked.
“Well of course it’s good” he answered himself “no one’s ever going to say that cookie dough’s not good.”
He explained to us that his fiancée who lives in Sydney is an incredible cook and that she'd sent him baked. He hoped that this would up the ante so that now she might send him a cake! And it dawned on me that that was the reason that he had to go to the post office earlier.
“Did you send Young Ju those cookies?” I asked incredulously.
The flat, still warm, and with a huge amount of melted chocolate chip cookies?
“Yes.”
Ariel and I laughed again. Or maybe we just continued to laugh.
“Why didn’t you just wait till tomorrow to send them?”
“Well that… would have been a good idea. But I was excited and I wanted to send them today.”
“I like your pants” Chris told Ariel.
Oh no Chris was running out of things to say.

Later we both agreed that we would call Ariel to tell him that he can have the room, but we both expressed that we wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t actually want it.

On Wednesday Chris freaked out

Chris came home late on Tuesday night. I haven't said that the residents of our house are quite quirky. Well, they are. And Chris may be the quirkiest person I’ve ever met. He had been fasting for seven days! He brought home bags and bags of food that he would eat at midnight.

Chris left for uni at 8:30am Wednesday morning. I've recently spent 16 days seakayaking the Whitsundays, during which I couldn't even rinse my hair with clean water. So it's a mess and I decided to chop it all off before meeting Kelly at 2 o’clock. I got home at 1:45 with short hair and sat down in the living room to look at the Writers in Action Facebook page. Slamming doors, stomping and some mysterious crashing told me that Chris was home. He wasn’t angry or anything, he’s never angry, he’s just always loud. I heard someone knock on the door and Chris opened it and greeted Kelly. I came out of the living room to meet her too and when Chris saw my hair he yelled at the top of his lungs. This is not unusual for Chris, he’s very loud, but it still startled me. The tiny 18 year old girl trapped in the corridor with us was quiet. Chris yelled loudly again. Kelly's face remained expressionless. I wondered what she was thinking. He yelled a third time before explaining to Kelly that in the morning my hair had been much longer.
I found Kelly odd, not as odd as Chris of course, but still... Her face was painted in orange foundation and she followed us around the house like a timid oompa loompa. So I began the farce where I said "we're meeting a few more people, but we'll get back to you later this week", and then she would wait hopefully for our call only to be told that "I'm sorry, but we decided to go with someone else. But good luck with finding a place". She is not the one.

Tuesday’s child is full of grace

Monday night Mel was in bed at her new place when a man who she said had an Indian accent called and said that he'd like to see the room. Mel said that that was great and that if he called back tomorrow she will have talked to me to find out what time I would be around to meet him.
"Can you do that now?"
In Mel's head; "Grrr.”
Out loud; "Ok.”

On Tuesday afternoon there was loud knocking at the door. "Coming", I was just moving my laptop from the kitchen (where I could see my breath) into the heated living room to start to get my head around this Writers in Action class, and it needed to be plugged into the power immediately because the batteries effed and only lasts about three minutes. The knocking continued and became louder. "I'M COMING". When I opened the door I was abruptly told in an accent that I'm not sure was Indian "I'm Julio" and he walked into the house. I've never met an Indian guy named Julio. He began firing questions at me.
"How much is the rent?" Maybe he was Mexican?
"$193" a fortnight.”
"Not for the whole house, just the room.” Or Spanish?
"That is for the room.” I was feeling confused.
"How much is the bills?" Eastern European?
"We have gas, electricity and water, it depends on how much we use. I can show you some bills we've had.”
"Yes.”
I showed him the room that would never be his. I didn't bother asking him any questions or telling him anything that he didn't specifically ask for, there was no point. He'd get a message in about a week that we've decided to give the room to someone else. I just hoped that we would actually have found someone else.
I told him that I'd be in touch as he barged back out of the house.
"Yes bye" he stated. Korean?

Monday’s child is fair of face

On Monday morning Mel messaged me that a girl wanted to see the room. I hurried home from uni after filling out paperwork to enroll in the subject 'Writers in Action,' which brings my subject count to 3 for this semester, ensuring continued payments from Centrelink.
When I arrived home there were two people waiting on the front porch patting Angie the cat. They reeked of stale cigarette smoke. I introduced myself, and Jane said "hi, I'm Jane and this is Leigh, he doesn't talk much". Leigh smiled revealing pink gum and a few black teeth. I wasn't expecting two people, but the rent divided by four is better than by three (I know this even though I'm an Outdoor Education student).
I showed them the room which will never be theirs, as well as the rest of the house. Jane was a large girl, with acne scarring on her face and spoke bogan English. Leigh was skinny as a rake, and had never brushed his teeth as far as I could tell.
As I chatted to them I found out they had been living in a caravan for the last week after his mother had fought with Jane and had kicked them out.
I looked at Leigh to see what he had to say about that.
"Sorry, I don't talk much" he said in a surprisingly sweet voice.
And then he started to talk.
"My mum's really religious and she doesn't like me having my girlfriend over because we're not married. She was the same with my last girlfriend and I had a baby with her."
When I asked what they did, I found out that they were both unemployed and receiving the dole.
"Do you like to drink?" Jane asked me hopefully, "because we like to drink" she said, trying to find something to bond over.
I told them that "Chris is still in Melbourne at the moment, and of course he will need to talk to them before we make any decisions. That we're meeting a few more people in the next few days, but I'll get back to them on Wednesday or Thursday when Chris is back.” I realised that was three days away, I'd panicked.

Room For Rent

Room for rent

My housemate Melanie is in the process of moving out with her boyfriend at the moment, leaving Chris and me to look for a prospective new housemate to fill the empty space that she will leave. In the last year of sharing this lovely and run down, ramshackle, leaky, freezing or boiling (depending on the season) house, the three of us have become very close friends, and to keep this great house dynamic, the new person has to be just right. Mel posted the room for rent ad on Gumtree on Sunday night, stay tuned to find out who responded...